Some Words

38 Fountain Street, Guelph Ontario
My home from 2016-2019

A unique opportunity is how I worded it to myself.
In the social economic heyday of 2024, I found myself with a old film camera and precautious employment via two music venues and a non-profit social service organization in the city of Hamilton Ontario during a time which the world's focus was on genocide happening to the Palestinian people.

It became an act of self compassion, preservation in actuality, and autonomy. My life revolved around going to these shows. There was nothing else in my life that really mattered other than seeing my friends play music at these various small venues throughout Hamilton. 

The unique opportunity was me trying to hold on to the pieces of my life that were right in front of me and make my attempt of preservation. Analog photography had many strings attached to it, the cost being the largest thread, but I continue to choose to disregard it.
The nature of film photography deeply called to me.

An idea of it either is or it isn't. No in between. I had no way of knowing how the roll would turn out until weeks, months or even years later. Each shot was a risk I choose to take.
The shot I took was neither good nor bad, it simply was. Relishing in the imperfections. There wasn't time to mess around with the settings. Knowledge of method, technique and technology always aided but I left the thing on auto most of the time anyways.
The faces I saw everyday. The events that unfolded in front of me. It was all passing through my hands like sand. The camera offered a chance to hold on to singular grains. Even with that, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on to them forever. Like Roy Batty, all these moments would be lost in time, like tears in rain.

So I trudged. I carried on. I let my heart become full. 
To quote David Wojnarowicz

 "I felt a sensation like seeing oneself from miles above the earth or looking at one's reflection in a mirror through the wrong end of a telescope. Realizing that I have nothing left to lose in my actions I let my hands become weapons, my teeth become weapons, every bone & muscle & fiber & ounce of blood become weapons, & I feel prepared for the rest of my life."

Though I was not facing death via AIDS, I felt the spirit of these words through my actions and words. I saw every gift I was given, every benefit that came with my character and being and still knew these meant nothing in the face of infinity.

What I would leave behind in words and photos was all that matter.
My biggest goal in life was to die laughing